Friday, July 11, 2003
Enough is Enough
It began with my birthday, this sensation that nothing I do or say will save this relationship. The sensation continues, strongly, as we battle over stupidity and conformity. And then, last night, the threat to harm our kitten and the bashing into me and knocking me down...it's so over. I've known it for so long but I've refused to face it. It's over and I need to start making plans to leave him behind. Go home, to my family and friends. Find a job, get a life, stop living in oppression, repression and sometimes downright fear. There, I've said it. I'm afraid of him. Not so much when he is calm and rational, but those rare times when he loses it...I cower in fear. Me. Of all people. Sigh. And, sometimes, the boys seem caught in the anger spiral and they cry. And Sean fears. I can't bear that. When he heard his daddy threaten to give away the kitten, he cried. Sigh.