Thursday, August 31, 2006


I talked to Bethany about this today. Some days, and they aren't a lot, I feel like I can stay married to him. Other days it's like, I cannot do this one more moment. Sigh. I guess that is life, yes?

We talk about how we got here. How this force for lack of a better word, came to be in our lives. Bethany feels responsible because she asked him into our lives. I feel responsible because I let him stay in our lives. Sigh.

Monday, August 28, 2006


I don't understand why marriage is so difficult for me. Other women marry, have kids, do fine...I, on the other hand, am dying.

I'm sure that some of it comes from marrying the wrong person at the wrong time for what seemed to be the right reason.

I mean, I knew, from the very beginning that he didn't love me. That he loved Bethany. What I couldn't know then, of course, is that he would continue to love her for 15 long years. And that, in the end, that would kill my love for him, my belief in us, my desire to be married to him at all...