Saturday, July 6, 2002


I lost a friend to cancer this year and another friend of mine is now battling breast cancer so death has been heavy on my mind lately. I've been thinking about the things I have learned about death (mostly from others who THINK they know) and what happens afterward.

Some people have said that when you die you forget everything you knew here on earth. It is this theory that has been rattling around my brain and disturbing me. What is the point of living if you forget everything you learn? If you can't remember the beautiful music you have heard or the beautiful artwork I have seen then why listen? Why look? Why read a book, no matter how grand, if you die and cannot remember a single word you read?

Even reincarnationists think you forget things from one life to another. That you essentially start from scratch.

It just makes our quest for "knowing" for gnosis, for knowledge seem so useless and trivial. Just wasted time. And this thought has made me incredibly sad. To the point where, when I was discussing it with Phillippe, I broke down and cried.

Futility. Waste. Emptiness. Hopelessness.