It's funny how being around others can skew your perceptions...
I come from the "poor" side of my extended family. I have, on occasions, been intimidated by how "they" dress and live.
So, we get this new house (a rental) and suddenly, out of the blue, I am "summoned" (invited) to my great-aunt Bernitas and a group of the other side of the city is there. And without thinking I said, "I'd love for you all to come see the new house."
As I drove away later, it dawned on me that I might not be able to handle the scrutiny. My cousin lives in a 1.25 million dollar house. My aunts in expensive, exclusive condominiums. They are SURROUNDED by plush...carpets, furniture, clothing...not one used item in the place unless it's of the kind that's been handed down from generation to generation...
So, for a moment, my spirit quailed within me. I thought, ohmygosh, what have I done inviting these people to my home?
And then, I steadied, and decided that I'd be ok. That I can survive this. Let them come. The love and blessing of my family in that house will shine brighter than any doodad or trinket they have in any room of their richness. For although I am not blessed in money and things, I am blessed in the capability of making things work, and in the ability to persevere in finding things that look nice in my place. And I am blessed in having family who loves me.
Truly I am blessed.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
I know that it is just a house. There is no particular reason I should feel more at peace than I have in years...but nevertheless, I do. I stayed home sick yesterday and sat in the garage-port, drinking tea, listening to the wind and the birds and felt at home. As a military child and formerly a military wife, to feel at home is usually a fleeting thing, not often achieved. I revelled in it. For the first time in my life I wanted to be retired so I could sit there, every day for weeks. Sigh.