Friday, December 31, 2004
Differences...
It must be rather difficult for Sean to be in Spokane, not just because of the weather, but because of the shift in "position" in the family. In Austin, he was everyone's favorite child. Here in Spokane, he is see more as whiney and selfish-centered. Except those few weeks when Michael sort of went nuts (while he was boyfriend/girlfriend with Erin) Michael seems to be the crown favorite of the Spokane crowd. I am not sure Sean sees/feels the power shift, but I see it clearly. Michael's outgoing slightly off key personality seems to especially resonate with Tamara. Who knew?
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Quiet
As the year winds down, life gets quiet sometimes. People recovering
from Christmas and Preparing for the New Year. People reflecting on the
year gone by and praying for the year to come.
As I have gotten older, my internal dialogue has gotten quieter. Coming to work at Safeco helped that because I had a mind that was in 100 places at once and for the training here I had to pull my mind in, probably for the first time in my life. Even in school we were learning 7 or 8 subjects per day and your mind was all over the place. Only here have I had to totally pull my mind into one subject. Very odd feeling. It was also very difficult to do. Evidentally, focus has never been my strong point. LOL. Who knew?
As I have gotten older, my internal dialogue has gotten quieter. Coming to work at Safeco helped that because I had a mind that was in 100 places at once and for the training here I had to pull my mind in, probably for the first time in my life. Even in school we were learning 7 or 8 subjects per day and your mind was all over the place. Only here have I had to totally pull my mind into one subject. Very odd feeling. It was also very difficult to do. Evidentally, focus has never been my strong point. LOL. Who knew?
Quiet
As the year winds down, life gets quiet sometimes. People recovering from Christmas and Preparing for the New Year. People reflecting on the year gone by and praying for the year to come.
As I have gotten older, my internal dialogue has gotten quieter. Coming to work at Safeco helped that because I had a mind that was in 100 places at once and for the training here I had to pull my mind in, probably for the first time in my life. Even in school we were learning 7 or 8 subjects per day and your mind was all over the place. Only here have I had to totally pull my mind into one subject. Very odd feeling. It was also very difficult to do. Evidentally, focus has never been my strong point. LOL. Who knew?
As I have gotten older, my internal dialogue has gotten quieter. Coming to work at Safeco helped that because I had a mind that was in 100 places at once and for the training here I had to pull my mind in, probably for the first time in my life. Even in school we were learning 7 or 8 subjects per day and your mind was all over the place. Only here have I had to totally pull my mind into one subject. Very odd feeling. It was also very difficult to do. Evidentally, focus has never been my strong point. LOL. Who knew?
Monday, December 27, 2004
Texas
David is aware of Bethany's wanting to go back to Texas. He is weighing
that in his decision about coming back here. Bethany is one of the
people who is pivotal to our family. We all tend to gravitate her
direction...wonder if she knows/cares/appreciates that? Sigh.
Contemplating the New Year
I look at the paper. The paper is blank. So is my mind. So many changes in this past year. So much learning at my new job. Sometimes my mind simply balks at the thought of it all. Funny, since most of it is over now.
What do I want for 2005? What kind of goals can I set for myself? For my family (if I dare)? With the world so uncertain, with war all around us, with tsunami's decimating 7 countries...
What do I want for 2005? What kind of goals can I set for myself? For my family (if I dare)? With the world so uncertain, with war all around us, with tsunami's decimating 7 countries...
Reflections
I think part of the issue is knowing that Bethany didn't tell me before I moved up here that she isn't staying here, so I AGAIN have to face the prospect of living where she is not for the rest of my life. It hurts me. It angers me. FIRST and most of all because she didn't tell me before I moved up here. Sigh.
I am also aware that things would not have been any better in Texas. With Jon losing his job at Dell (another anger issue) we would have been stranded in Georgetown without much hope of surviving. I could not have lived with Amber and Jason much longer.
Life sometimes gets away from us. And it never seems to come back to center.
I am also aware that things would not have been any better in Texas. With Jon losing his job at Dell (another anger issue) we would have been stranded in Georgetown without much hope of surviving. I could not have lived with Amber and Jason much longer.
Life sometimes gets away from us. And it never seems to come back to center.
Friday, December 24, 2004
A Time to Reflect
A time to reflect, make changes and write new goals
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…."—King Solomon, Ecclesiastes 3 vs. 1.
In the midst of all of the holiday hoopla, take some time out of your busy schedule to reflect on this past year, decide what you want to do differently in the new year and set some goals.
1. Take inventory of your life; what are you happy with, what would you like to change, in all areas of your life... physical, emotional,
mental, environmental, relationships, education...
2. Forgive yourself for any mistakes and promise yourself that you will learn from them.
3. Set new goals. Right them down and put them somewhere you will see them each day; your journal, or bulletin board, or on the refrigerator.
4. Make an action-step to do list... what steps can you take to realize your goals.
5. Be careful how you measure success. Make sure it's your success and not someone's standards.
6. Reward yourself for your success, even a simple pat on the back goes a long ways.
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…."—King Solomon, Ecclesiastes 3 vs. 1.
In the midst of all of the holiday hoopla, take some time out of your busy schedule to reflect on this past year, decide what you want to do differently in the new year and set some goals.
1. Take inventory of your life; what are you happy with, what would you like to change, in all areas of your life... physical, emotional,
mental, environmental, relationships, education...
2. Forgive yourself for any mistakes and promise yourself that you will learn from them.
3. Set new goals. Right them down and put them somewhere you will see them each day; your journal, or bulletin board, or on the refrigerator.
4. Make an action-step to do list... what steps can you take to realize your goals.
5. Be careful how you measure success. Make sure it's your success and not someone's standards.
6. Reward yourself for your success, even a simple pat on the back goes a long ways.
Christmas Prayer
Dear Father/Mother God,
Once again we come together to celebrate the birth of one of your beloved Sons. Although it says in the Bible that Jesus was the "only begotten" we know from Jesus' own teachings that we are all your sons and daughters. At this time, and in the New Year to come, we vow to continue moving into the "greater things" that Jesus promised. We are the strings on your violin. We are the holes in your flute. Lord, play beautiful music through us in the unique ways each of us expresses it.
Beloved God, we ask a special blessing for our planet Earth. May each soul be lifted into the awareness of Your Presence. May the leaders of this world realize that there is no separation between one another and between us and You. We ask that your Light pour into the hearts and minds of those making decisions. May their decisions be peaceful. May new, abundant, clean energy be made available to heal the environment. May healthy food and fresh water be made abundantly available to all. May people put aside their political and religious differences and recognize that every Muslim, every Jew, every Christian, every Hindu, is an integral part of You. None are any more or less than your beloved children.
Lord, let our hearts and minds be fixed on You. Let our actions be of the highest possible level. May we live your truths in this world. May our bodies be free of disease, decay, illness, aging and death. May our emotions be freely expressed in healthy beneficial ways. May our minds be filled with peace. May our souls be filled with the knowledge that all is unfolding according to Your Perfect Will. It is so and so it is!
Amen. Kadoish, Kadoish, Kadoish, Adonai, Sebayoth!
Once again we come together to celebrate the birth of one of your beloved Sons. Although it says in the Bible that Jesus was the "only begotten" we know from Jesus' own teachings that we are all your sons and daughters. At this time, and in the New Year to come, we vow to continue moving into the "greater things" that Jesus promised. We are the strings on your violin. We are the holes in your flute. Lord, play beautiful music through us in the unique ways each of us expresses it.
Beloved God, we ask a special blessing for our planet Earth. May each soul be lifted into the awareness of Your Presence. May the leaders of this world realize that there is no separation between one another and between us and You. We ask that your Light pour into the hearts and minds of those making decisions. May their decisions be peaceful. May new, abundant, clean energy be made available to heal the environment. May healthy food and fresh water be made abundantly available to all. May people put aside their political and religious differences and recognize that every Muslim, every Jew, every Christian, every Hindu, is an integral part of You. None are any more or less than your beloved children.
Lord, let our hearts and minds be fixed on You. Let our actions be of the highest possible level. May we live your truths in this world. May our bodies be free of disease, decay, illness, aging and death. May our emotions be freely expressed in healthy beneficial ways. May our minds be filled with peace. May our souls be filled with the knowledge that all is unfolding according to Your Perfect Will. It is so and so it is!
Amen. Kadoish, Kadoish, Kadoish, Adonai, Sebayoth!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Amber
The longer we are away from Amber, the more her paranoia about Jon seems
to grow. Or maybe I just notice it more since I have more distance. I
only know it SEEMS more pronounced. She can't call us or the boys for
"fear" that HE will answer the phone. She won't take my word that "he"
won't answer the phone. It's just all too frustrating for me.
Tonight we order pizza. We shouldn't. We can't afford it. But every now and then one must throw caution to the wind and order pizza. Right?
Tonight we order pizza. We shouldn't. We can't afford it. But every now and then one must throw caution to the wind and order pizza. Right?
More Differences...
Bethany, my oldest daughter, the child whom people have said is just
like me, is so different from me that sometimes it startles me.
First is the way she looks at work. She is supposedly desperate for a job, yet she won’t leave her house for a ICT Open House to get one on the excuse that her father is coming that night and she must clean her house.
Then there is the drinking. Joey, her next door neighbor, is a recovering/fallen alcoholic and she is going out drinking with her and Tamara tonight. I would NEVER take an alcoholic out drinking. Sigh. We have such profound differences, it’s amazing we get along so well.
Politically we are closer now than when I was an ultra-right-wing conservative, yet she will always remain more liberal than I am, I think. Possibly simply because she seems to have always been this way, at least since we left the Baptist church.
My children are so unique. So special. So DIFFERENT. I am constantly amazed by them.
First is the way she looks at work. She is supposedly desperate for a job, yet she won’t leave her house for a ICT Open House to get one on the excuse that her father is coming that night and she must clean her house.
Then there is the drinking. Joey, her next door neighbor, is a recovering/fallen alcoholic and she is going out drinking with her and Tamara tonight. I would NEVER take an alcoholic out drinking. Sigh. We have such profound differences, it’s amazing we get along so well.
Politically we are closer now than when I was an ultra-right-wing conservative, yet she will always remain more liberal than I am, I think. Possibly simply because she seems to have always been this way, at least since we left the Baptist church.
My children are so unique. So special. So DIFFERENT. I am constantly amazed by them.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Changes
Jon lost his job at Software Spectrum a week ago. Jeremy is being laid off on Tuesday. Life is insane. I am numb.
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