Tuesday, April 8, 2003

Some people are driven to achieve, to succeed. Others are content to just float through life (sort of like me). Others get lost and question everything they've ever done (also sort of like me).

I wanted to be a mom. And I rarely questioned myself on my chosen path until I chose Jon. From that moment on I have had to question myself so often that I now doubt myself ALL THE TIME. I hate being so unsure of myself all the time. And this thing with Bethany has shattered my foundations. If I screwed up the child I saw as my first gift from GOD then all I believe about myself as a mother is false. And my "being a good mom" perception is a crock. The definition of who I thought I was is/was/could be TOTALLY WRONG. Can a person be this wrong about their core self???

And BETHANY thinks about running away? How many times have I wanted to run or end it all?

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