Wednesday, May 2, 2001

I have been more successful this past week in being more of a "want to" housewife than and "have to" housewife. I lose sight of the fact that if I lived alone I would STILL be doing all the housework simply because I enjoy a semi-clean house. And resenting Jon for not helping and for living a life I see as irresponsible was simply eating me alive. So I have been really self-talking and striving for this inner balance that keeps me from being bitchy and resentful and keeps me on a more even keel. This week I have achieved it, at least for the moment. AND, the odd thing is, I have consistently forgotten my vitamin supplements that were SUPPOSED to help keep me on a more even keel. I think I see from this that it is a MENTAL balance more than a hormonal/chemical balance that I have to strive for. Not that the supplements should be ignored, but that the supplements must be IN ADDITION TO self-talk, prayer and meditation.

Also, I have broken down and agreed to call the endocrinologist. I can fight this hypothyroidism on my own and risk all my hair falling out, or I can give in and go to the doctor and try to fight this on all fronts. I realized that I could deal with the exhaustion and the freezing hands and feet and the swollen eyes, but when I looked in the mirror and realized how much hair loss I had experienced I went on a crying jag that threatened not to stop. Is that vanity? Perhaps. Sigh. I love my hair. It's always been one of my good features. I love being a redhead. The thought of losing my hair frankly scares me. The idea of wearing a wig OF ANY KIND in this heat would be pure torture. I must reverse this hair loss and I have been told that when the thyroid is more balanced the hair will stop falling out and regrow. I pray this is so. I ask anyone who reads this post to pray for this also. Thanks.

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