Sixteen years ago I made a mistake in judgment that caused several disastrous incidents, with one specific incident in my family that actually happened 15 years ago this July. I freely admit I made a horrendous mistake. I carried that burden totally alone for 10 years, without even believing GOD would forgive me before I broke down in a prayer session in a friends home and finally asked GOD for forgiveness. I believe GOD and almost all of my family has forgiven me except the one who was involved in the incident that July.
I have struggled with this for 15 years. I have paid for this emotionally and spiritually for 15 years. And today, for the first time, I've lost hope.
I truly believed that someday, somehow, we would find a way to work through it, past it, beyond it someway. But today, I admit defeat. It can't be done. I can't break down or through the barrier. I admit that my mistake has irreparably damaged my relationship with my daughter. It's my fault. I made a bad call, and I admit it.
In my 32 years of parenting, it's the worst judgment call I've ever made. It will torment and haunt me forever.
Does this mean I'm a bad mother? It does to my daughter. And when I see myself through her eyes, it does to me. It makes me doubt my very being.
When I see myself through the eyes of my other five children, I can almost believe I'm an OK mother. But the one view poisons the whole to the point where I ache with the spiritual burden and know that even though I've thrown the burden on GOD, I don't let him keep it. I take it up again believing I need to continue to be punished, believing that if I accept enough punishment she will come to forgive me and in forgiveness love me and find healing with me...
Until today.
Now I clearly see that there isn't any price high enough for me to pay that will ease her pain and create in her a forgiving heart. And today, I lay it down at the feet of GOD and say, I failed. I created chaos and I can't fix it, please, GOD, touch her heart and heal her. And I turn and walk away.................................
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
A Max Lucado Devotional
Practicing the Presence
by Max Lucado
How do I live in God's presence? How do I detect his unseen hand on my shoulder and his inaudible voice in my ear? A sheep grows familiar with the voice of the shepherd. How can you and I grow familiar with the voice of God? Here are a few ideas:
From Just Like Jesus
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 1998, 2001) Max Lucado
by Max Lucado
How do I live in God's presence? How do I detect his unseen hand on my shoulder and his inaudible voice in my ear? A sheep grows familiar with the voice of the shepherd. How can you and I grow familiar with the voice of God? Here are a few ideas:
Give God your waking thoughts. Before you face the day, face the Father. Before you step out of bed, step into his presence. I have a friend who makes it a habit to roll out of his bed onto his knees and begin his day in prayer. Personally, I don't get that far. With my head still on the pillow and my eyes still closed, I offer God the first seconds of my day. The prayer is not lengthy and far from formal. Depending on how much sleep I got, it may not even be intelligible. Often it's nothing more than "Thank you for a night's rest. I belong to you today."
Give God your waiting thoughts. Spend time with him in silence. The mature married couple has learned the treasure of shared silence; they don't need to fill the air with constant chatter. Just being together is sufficient. Try being silent with God. "Be still, and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10 NIV). Awareness of God is a fruit of stillness before God.
Give God your whispering thoughts. Through the centuries Christians have learned the value of brief sentence prayers, prayers that can be whispered anywhere, in any setting.
Imagine considering every moment as a potential time of communion with God. By giving God your whispering thoughts, the common becomes uncommon. Simple phrases such as "Thank you, Father, Be sovereign in this hour, O Lord, You are my resting place, Jesus can turn a commute into a pilgrimage. You needn't leave your office or kneel in your kitchen. Just pray where you are. Let the kitchen become a cathedral or the classroom a chapel. Give God your whispering thoughts.
And last, give God your waning thoughts. At the end of the day, let your mind settle on him. Conclude the day as you began it: talking to God. Thank him for the good parts. Question him about the hard parts. Seek his mercy. Seek his strength. And as you close your eyes, take assurance in the promise: "He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep"(Ps. 121:4 NIV). If you fall asleep as you pray, don't worry. What better place to doze off than in the arms of your Father.From Just Like Jesus
Copyright (W Publishing Group, 1998, 2001) Max Lucado
Quote from a Forum I am on
On a microscopic or metaphysical level, the bad stuff in human essence or spirit which causes sin is the stuff that won't get in (to heaven). I've seen enough discussion here to know that this notion will be pretty universally (no pun intended) agreed upon by most here, but I reduce the equation further by suggesting that behind every bit and piece of suffering in this life, behind the motorcycle accidents, the stubbed toes, broken hearts--in any content of human suffering--Christ is working in the parallel dimension of the soul's being, making constant 'course corrections' in human spirit (with carryover effects in mind, like its proressive movement away from evil and toward good, and the experiencing of discomfort from the process) maintaining spiritual life in innumerable tiny deaths and rebirths in the ethereal fabric of spirit. In other words, I suspect literally all suffering is related to an equal work in the spiritual realm of death and rebirth. This death/rebirth of falsity in spirit in its restoration to truth (life) appears to have direct correspondence to affliction experienced in time and space...
Thursday, August 16, 2007
The restoration of all things
THE RESTORATION OF ALL THINGS The purpose behind this page is simply to give scriptures which are overlooked by those following the false doctrine of an eternal hell. May eyes and ears open that are sealed. Those who instruct others, that part of God's creation will spend eternity in torment, are unwisely creating fear and separation, which is not from God's spirit. Hopefully, some of these verses will bring you peace and wisdom, as to the redemption of all. God loves the hopeless ones and so should we. After all, they are part of us.
"God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him may be saved."
(John 3:17)
"Who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." (John 6:33)
"The Son of man did not come to destroy men's lives but to save them." (Luke 9:56)
"And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to myself." (John 12:32)
"As you have given Him authority over all flesh, that He should give eternal life to as many as you have given Him." (John 17:2)
"The Father loves the Son and has given all things into His hand." (John 3:35)
"...His son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds." (Hebrews 1:1-2)
"...to reconcile all things unto Himself." (Colossians 1:16-20)
"...in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ..."
(Ephesians 1:10)
"Call no man common or unclean." (Acts 10:14-15)
"...the restitution of all things..." (Acts 3:20-21)
"...God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Himself, not imputing their trespasses..." (II Corinthians 5:19)
"...not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentence." (II Peter 3:9)
"...for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest." (Hebrews 8:11)
"...God, who is the saviour of all men..." (I Timothy 4:10)
"...even so in Christ shall all be made alive." (I Corinthians 15:22)
"...who will have all men to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth." (I Timothy 2:4)
"...that God may be all in all." (I Corinthians 15:28)
"...and so shall all Israel be saved." (Romans 11:26)
"(Christ) was the true light which lights every man that comes into the world." (John 1:9)
"Consequently, then as it was through one offense for all mankind for condemnation, thus also it is through one just award for all mankind for life's justifying. For even as, through the disobedience of the one man, the many were constituted sinners, thus also, through the obedience of the one, the many shall be constituted just."
(Romans 5:19)
"If anyone's work shall be burned up, he will forfeit it, yet he shall be saved, yet thus as through fire."
(I Corinthians 3:15)
"...he (Christ) is propitiation for our sins: and not for our sins only, but also for the sins of the whole world."
( I John 2:2)
"Yet, all is of God, who conciliates us to Himself through Christ, and is giving us the dispensation of the conciliation, how that God was in Christ, conciliating the world to Himself, not reckoning their offenses to them, and placing in us the word of conciliation." (II Corinthians 5:18-19)
Summary:
"According to scripture, Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, created all things; reconciles all things; is heir of all things; has authority of all things; will have all men to be saved; His grace comes to all men; He takes away the sin of the world; He gives His flesh for the life of the world. He is the propitiation for the sins of the world; whose gifts are irrevocable, of which life is one of the gifts. He manifested to put away sin. He preached to the spirits in prison and holds the keys to death and hell; who changes not. He is Lord of both the living and the dead; He will destroy all enemies of God, the last one being death; who made all things alive; who completes the work the Father gave Him to do; who restores all things; gave Himself a ransom for all. He takes away the curse and said He came to do the will and work of the Father, who wills that all men be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth, so that God may be all in all!"
-Summary courtesy of Tentmaker.org
"God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him may be saved."
(John 3:17)
"Who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." (John 6:33)
"The Son of man did not come to destroy men's lives but to save them." (Luke 9:56)
"And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to myself." (John 12:32)
"As you have given Him authority over all flesh, that He should give eternal life to as many as you have given Him." (John 17:2)
"The Father loves the Son and has given all things into His hand." (John 3:35)
"...His son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds." (Hebrews 1:1-2)
"...to reconcile all things unto Himself." (Colossians 1:16-20)
"...in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ..."
(Ephesians 1:10)
"Call no man common or unclean." (Acts 10:14-15)
"...the restitution of all things..." (Acts 3:20-21)
"...God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Himself, not imputing their trespasses..." (II Corinthians 5:19)
"...not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentence." (II Peter 3:9)
"...for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest." (Hebrews 8:11)
"...God, who is the saviour of all men..." (I Timothy 4:10)
"...even so in Christ shall all be made alive." (I Corinthians 15:22)
"...who will have all men to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth." (I Timothy 2:4)
"...that God may be all in all." (I Corinthians 15:28)
"...and so shall all Israel be saved." (Romans 11:26)
"(Christ) was the true light which lights every man that comes into the world." (John 1:9)
"Consequently, then as it was through one offense for all mankind for condemnation, thus also it is through one just award for all mankind for life's justifying. For even as, through the disobedience of the one man, the many were constituted sinners, thus also, through the obedience of the one, the many shall be constituted just."
(Romans 5:19)
"If anyone's work shall be burned up, he will forfeit it, yet he shall be saved, yet thus as through fire."
(I Corinthians 3:15)
"...he (Christ) is propitiation for our sins: and not for our sins only, but also for the sins of the whole world."
( I John 2:2)
"Yet, all is of God, who conciliates us to Himself through Christ, and is giving us the dispensation of the conciliation, how that God was in Christ, conciliating the world to Himself, not reckoning their offenses to them, and placing in us the word of conciliation." (II Corinthians 5:18-19)
Summary:
"According to scripture, Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, created all things; reconciles all things; is heir of all things; has authority of all things; will have all men to be saved; His grace comes to all men; He takes away the sin of the world; He gives His flesh for the life of the world. He is the propitiation for the sins of the world; whose gifts are irrevocable, of which life is one of the gifts. He manifested to put away sin. He preached to the spirits in prison and holds the keys to death and hell; who changes not. He is Lord of both the living and the dead; He will destroy all enemies of God, the last one being death; who made all things alive; who completes the work the Father gave Him to do; who restores all things; gave Himself a ransom for all. He takes away the curse and said He came to do the will and work of the Father, who wills that all men be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth, so that God may be all in all!"
-Summary courtesy of Tentmaker.org
| Salvation is not your choice!!!! Consider these verses: ...God who saves us and calls us with a Holy calling, not in accord with our acts, but in accord with His own purpose...before the world began." I Timothy 1:9 (Your salvation was planned before the world began; it is not according to your doing) "No one can come to me, if ever the Father who sends me should not be drawing him. And I shall raise him up at the last day." John 6:44 (God does the choosing, drawing, accepting, etc.) "Not one is seeking out God." Romans 3:11 (God is seeking out you!) "You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you." John 15:16 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| You see? God will save ALL! God is not vengeful! | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Friday, August 10, 2007
I read a book this week...
shock right? but seriously...i want to tell you about the book because it was one of those life-changing, heart mending kinds of books that one so rarely finds these days. the book was so profound that i am afraid to recommend it to you because i have recommended books in the past and i feel that you might say, oh, geez, she's recommending another book, sigh...but let me try to interest you...
i doubt that i am the only human being on the planet who has trust issues. with people and because of with people, ultimately with GOD.
i doubt that i am the only human being on the planet who has ever wondered, pondered, questioned or debated the problem of evil in the world.
and i doubt i'm the only person in the world who has been through horrendous, soul breaking things in their lives...
this book is for us. every one of us who has ever wondered, pondered, argued, debated, or anguished over the questions of "does GOD really love me" and "how/why is there so much evil in the world"?
i promise you, if you read this book, you will have your heart both touched and healed. maybe not 100%, but you will come away with such wonder and such a grasp of "why" that full healing will have begun. it will challenge you, intrigue you, make you cry, make you laugh, make you feel like maybe, just maybe it could make sense...read it through to the end no matter how difficult it seems to read. it will be worth it. i promise.
the book is called "The Shack" and it's by William P. Young. i recommend this book with all my heart. and i intend to read it again this weekend.
i'm sending this to about 100 people and 15 egroups. i'm sending it to a few people who don't read my emails, don't like me very much, maybe 1 who hates my guts. doesn't matter. the book is too important for petty human issues to get in the way of someone reading it. don't NOT read it because of any issue you may or may not have with me. just like i want you to not dismiss it simply because it came from me therefore it must be irrelevant and/or trivial. so often our perceptions of each other stand in the way of us reading or seeing or experiencing so many great things in life. i, for one, don't intend to let that get in my way with recommending this book.
i doubt that i am the only human being on the planet who has trust issues. with people and because of with people, ultimately with GOD.
i doubt that i am the only human being on the planet who has ever wondered, pondered, questioned or debated the problem of evil in the world.
and i doubt i'm the only person in the world who has been through horrendous, soul breaking things in their lives...
this book is for us. every one of us who has ever wondered, pondered, argued, debated, or anguished over the questions of "does GOD really love me" and "how/why is there so much evil in the world"?
i promise you, if you read this book, you will have your heart both touched and healed. maybe not 100%, but you will come away with such wonder and such a grasp of "why" that full healing will have begun. it will challenge you, intrigue you, make you cry, make you laugh, make you feel like maybe, just maybe it could make sense...read it through to the end no matter how difficult it seems to read. it will be worth it. i promise.
the book is called "The Shack" and it's by William P. Young. i recommend this book with all my heart. and i intend to read it again this weekend.
i'm sending this to about 100 people and 15 egroups. i'm sending it to a few people who don't read my emails, don't like me very much, maybe 1 who hates my guts. doesn't matter. the book is too important for petty human issues to get in the way of someone reading it. don't NOT read it because of any issue you may or may not have with me. just like i want you to not dismiss it simply because it came from me therefore it must be irrelevant and/or trivial. so often our perceptions of each other stand in the way of us reading or seeing or experiencing so many great things in life. i, for one, don't intend to let that get in my way with recommending this book.
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