There is one and a half more days of 2002. Two days to reflect on the year past and to prepare for the year ahead. The letting go of the year past and the welcoming of the year to come.
2002 has been a rough year in some ways. In some ways an emotional and spiritual wasteland. So many worries and concerns:
Wanting to move home
My health/exhaustion and it's impact on my life/house/relationship
seems like too much for any one person to deal with; which is why I
feel so overwhelmed by my life so often (i.e. most of the time)! And I
don't know how to change things.
I am one of those people who has
floated through life with barely a plan (beyond having 4 children: 2
daughters and then 2 sons and raising them). Since Jon meteorited into
my life, changing my direction IRREVOCABLY, I've been tossed hither and
yon by the drama and raw emotion that began our life. The new family we
created helps me focus and yet contributes to the emotion, the drama and
the exhaustion. I love them but I often feel so "detached" from them
that it frightens me.
There is so much "day-to-day" in my life and not enough laughter, dancing and just plain fun.
As I approach age 50, I worry about how I look to Jon. I am graying more and the exhaustion really affects my face.