Sunday, December 9, 2012

Today is the day...

After 22 years together, today is the day I move out. I knew this was coming, we had planned to seaparate on March 1st, 2013, but his need to move on to "greener pastures" pushed the separation to a break neck speed. From confession to separation in 3 short weeks...

I wrote this in my journal: I am about to step out from under this huge shadow and into the light...The shadow of ALL OF THE ENDLESS WOMEN you flirted with constantly and of knowing you never really loved me exclusively. I knew, early on, that you didn't love me at the same depth as how I loved you. I feel like I carried our whole relationship by the sheer strength of my will and the depth of my love alone. The constant parade of women through your heart/mind was, indeed, brutal and ate at my heart/mind/soul. I will miss YOU, but I will not miss the constant knowing that I was not "enough".

You were always "seeking". It was simply a matter of time. This year, time ran out.

I wish you all happiness and love. I hope and pray you've found the "true love of your life" and that you are finally fulfilled...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's strange how our self-identity can change from "me" to "we" over the years of marriage without our even realizing it.

Then when the relationship ends, we don't even know who we are anymore. Scary feeling; but sometimes we have to lose ourselves to find ourselves again. If only it were possible to just grow without all those growing pains . . . .

Please don't feel guilty for having no one to please but yourself at this time in your life or you could blow this opportunity to re-connect with who you really are in the place where you stand alone before God, without all the external trimmings that often become too dear to us in life.

Anonymous said...

You wrote:

The constant parade of women through your heart/mind was, indeed, brutal and ate at my heart/mind/soul. I will miss YOU, but I will not miss the constant knowing that I was not "enough".

You were always "seeking". It was simply a matter of time. This year, time ran out.

#

It occurs to me that perhaps it was your husband, not you, who was the one who was "not enough", at least in the love dept. it seems.

There is a saying:

Higamous, hogamus, women are monogamous.
Hogamus, higamous, men are polygamous.

Not always a truism for the individual person; but certainly statistically valid.

Harry said...

Peace spring up in you, surround you, heal you and give you wings. Much love to you.