Friday, October 21, 2011

From My October 20th, 2011 Journal Entry

Two people this week said that I am negative...something I thought I'd been working on, but maybe not.

Can I adopt: IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING POSITIVE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL as a personal motto? Knowing the negativity is creeping back in gives me the opportunity to examine my life. Am I what I think I am? What do I want to be? What do I want to be in life?

I want to be...loving, kind, accepting, compassionate, positive but realistic (is that possible?), charitable, smiling, joyful (seeking joy in life & relationships): inner joy -> out of innr joy will come joy in life & relationships. So, I think my inner work right now needs to be on inner joy...maybe go back to the Awakening Joy website or find a workbook on Inner Joy? Or look at St Joseph's for a workshop on finding joy?

What is Joy? I imagine that it is different for different people. Not sure. (From contentment comes joy? Not sure). I know that I feel more relaxed in the new house where we have more space, even though the first floor upkeep is requiring more diligence.

Seeking authentic, self-relevant joy is important. (My issue with having flat affect is an issue...) Am I capable of feeling highs/lows? I did cry when mom was dying. I can feel sadness/anger (and do, regularly). I need to track POSITIVE, up feelings, because there is where my lack of ability to feel seems to lie.

Joy...What is joy? How do I figure out what creates Joy within me?

Singing in worship...

Sitting by the river...

A cup of hot tea...

Baby laughter...

Hugs...

Sitting outside...

Journalling...

Going to coffee...

Watching a sunrise/sunset...

Reading a good book...

Watching a good movie/TV series...

Listening to music...

Walking in the woods, along the river...

Dinner at the table as a family...

Candlelight...

Showers...

An orderly home (oddly enough)...

What does joy feel like? "The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: 'She felt the Joy of seeing her son's success.' A state of happiness, of felicity." Sigh, maybe joy is to joyous of a word for what I'm seeking here. Maybe I should use contentment or peace? Quiet joy not extravagant joy?

6 comments:

Alien said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Raymond said...

What negativity? I've always found you annoyingly positive.

Debra Masters said...

LOL @ annoyingly positive.

greyone said...

sometimes contentment or peace is a better way to say it. I like how CS Lewis talks about joy. He makes it clear that his idea of it is very different than happiness. We cannot be happy all the time. Joy is something different, which gives us peace in times of trouble.

Anonymous said...

On joy as an experience distinct from pleasure: “Joy is a different thing, because its focus exists outside the self--delight in something external, not satisfaction of some inner craving.”
--Mary Karr

Unknown said...

Happiness and joy are not the same thing. Joy is much deeper, stronger and can endure hardship. Joy can come in sadness as while as in contentment, peace or happy times.

It has taken me some time to understand the difference between being happy and knowing true Joy.