Training the heart/mind

I'm working on training the heart/mind to see and seek out the positive within me and to bring it to my mouth/mind...heart & mind (inner) to mouth & mind (outer). Seeing the negative and recognizing it without allowing it to seep into the heart/mind...

Standing on positivity in the face of a negative onlaught...makes it difficult to be positive at all. Be the positive you want to see in the world! Become Joy. Breathe Joy. Radiate Joy.

God is the energy, the love, the light, the indwelling, infusing Joy...or contentment. I cannot seem to manage joy...

From my October 21st, 2011 Journal Entry

Thinking again of: "If you can't say anything POSITIVE, don't say anything at all"...how do I train my mind/mouth to make this connection and put it into action?

I think this will require a mental overhaul/mind rewiring/rerouting! Internal positive focus...

Acceptance is passive, not a positive focus. Just sitting back & allowing life to wash over you is not positive focus. The river of life eddies and flows and often RUSHES over/around me and mostly I simply allow it. So this analogy is how I deal with life pretty much all the time now. This ins not a very interactive/proactive way to live. It mostly works for me, but perhaps, is why life often feels like it's not working for me?

Some people have life goals and a life map of how they intend to get there. These people have a chart or a list of mini-goals set up along their life way.

I've never really been "goal-oriented" in my life. Except for my goal to have children, I really didn't set any goals in my life! Even in that one goal: have children, I didn't take into consideration that to achieve that goal, I'd probably have to find a husband and get married. LOL

I "wanted to be" or "desired to be" a librarian, for example, but did not have/make a plan & life washed me along and instead I went to Kinman and became an office admin and had those children.

Then a new relationship flowed into my life and I switched streams, had another 2 children and continued to let life wash me along.

It is this mindset, I think, that makes it difficult for me to follow through in ANY field of endeavor. I am GREAT at wanting/desiring to achieve goals, but I am LOUSY at follow-up/follow-through!

This is part of what hinders me from keeping a clean house. I start out great guns, but a week or a month or a year later, I slack off. This is why I've been doing dishes the MINUTE I get home so I don't let the house/kitchen slide one day! It would disrupt the flow of diligence! And, I'm hoping this "learning diligence" that I'm working on in the house will help me be diligent in other areas (like health/eating/exercise).

SO...if the goal is only speaking positives: HOW would I structure goals for my mind to get from here ----------------------------> to there?

Focus thoughts on positive things. Find positive things to meditate on. Gratitude journalling again.

Maybe I want to be consumed/obsessed/driven...at least with focusing on the positive. Hmmm, search for...seek out...find the positive in every situation...

GOD = Love = Positivity & uplifting encouragement & is life sustaining...Hard to grasp when you see GOD as mind/energy? Maybe not.

The energy of GOD supports & sustains every living thing positively in love. The air we breathe = positivity. The earth we live on = positivity. The water we drink = positivity. All from the mind/energy of GOD.

So to meditate on positivity and love is to meditate on GOD.

So then, another question, can a person be focused and laid back? Driven/committed and at peace? Loving, kind, compassionate, accepting WHILE being focused on the positive in life/self/others/world?

From My October 20th, 2011 Journal Entry

Two people this week said that I am negative...something I thought I'd been working on, but maybe not.

Can I adopt: IF YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING POSITIVE, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL as a personal motto? Knowing the negativity is creeping back in gives me the opportunity to examine my life. Am I what I think I am? What do I want to be? What do I want to be in life?

I want to be...loving, kind, accepting, compassionate, positive but realistic (is that possible?), charitable, smiling, joyful (seeking joy in life & relationships): inner joy -> out of innr joy will come joy in life & relationships. So, I think my inner work right now needs to be on inner joy...maybe go back to the Awakening Joy website or find a workbook on Inner Joy? Or look at St Joseph's for a workshop on finding joy?

What is Joy? I imagine that it is different for different people. Not sure. (From contentment comes joy? Not sure). I know that I feel more relaxed in the new house where we have more space, even though the first floor upkeep is requiring more diligence.

Seeking authentic, self-relevant joy is important. (My issue with having flat affect is an issue...) Am I capable of feeling highs/lows? I did cry when mom was dying. I can feel sadness/anger (and do, regularly). I need to track POSITIVE, up feelings, because there is where my lack of ability to feel seems to lie.

Joy...What is joy? How do I figure out what creates Joy within me?

Singing in worship...

Sitting by the river...

A cup of hot tea...

Baby laughter...

Hugs...

Sitting outside...

Journalling...

Going to coffee...

Watching a sunrise/sunset...

Reading a good book...

Watching a good movie/TV series...

Listening to music...

Walking in the woods, along the river...

Dinner at the table as a family...

Candlelight...

Showers...

An orderly home (oddly enough)...

What does joy feel like? "The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: 'She felt the Joy of seeing her son's success.' A state of happiness, of felicity." Sigh, maybe joy is to joyous of a word for what I'm seeking here. Maybe I should use contentment or peace? Quiet joy not extravagant joy?

Confessions of a Non-Neat Freak

I have to confess…I am not a neat freak. I never have been. In fact, at one point in my life (and for a LONG time) I was a slob to the core…probably from the rebellion of my teen years (no I will NOT clean my room) to the rebellion within my 2^nd marriage (no I will NOT clean your house). Sigh.

So, slowly, I have gotten better. But I have a LONG way to go.

We just moved. We made a pact about the first floor (living/dining). It will be clean. People dropping in clean. Not cluttered with books and magazines (as I generally live).

So…I’m running around wondering HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS? How do neat freaks manage this? How is there enough time in any day to be THIS VIGILANT??? It’s exhausting. Will it ever get easier???? Will it ever become second nature?

This comes back to my general inability (in my life in many areas) to follow through. I get the concept of WANTING a clean house (or to exercise more or to lose a few pounds or whatever thing you wish to commit to long term). And I run at the concept with great gusto…I WANT to succeed, I am DETERMINED to succeed.

But I don’t.

Why is this? Why can’t I manage to follow-through with long term commitments (except for marriage to a degree). WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????? Help? Thoughts?