Incandescent....

I know this woman from our Celtic Celebrations...I'll call her Mary. I cannot remember the first day I laid eyes on this woman, but I can remember clearly thinking, this woman has a shining soul. I could see her light up the room by her very presence. And every time I've seen her since, I simply am drawn to be near her...to talk with her...to hear her talk.

She is also physically beautiful...but that is beside the point and that isn't what I see when I see her. Everything I see in her is internal...Except the exhaustion.

For this shiny soul is going through a hard patch. Her husband is very ill. She is coping and taking care as best she can, and you can see it's taking it's toll. Her eyes are always red rimmed and you can sense the exhaustion, but it's not enough to dim the light of her being.

I saw her again on Easter. She told us of her husband's health, he's been in the hospital 5 times since November, and of their hope he will get to come home today...and then she asked me how work is going.

And this is part of her shining...no matter how much her life is dragging her down or how tired she is, she always finds time to ask how someone else is...and to share a word with them.

The very first night we talked to each other, I told her funny stories about dentures (her husband was getting them) and she volunteered to be a reference on a job I was trying for with the county (she works for the county)...and that's sort of how she is with people.

And then, last night, after talking about her husband and how ill he has been and how worried she has been about him, and then listening to my description of work, she took me to another room to pray for me. TO PRAY FOR ME. To lay hands on me and to share that shiny soul of hers with me and I thought, I should be praying for YOU, not the other way around...but anyway, off we went and she prayed for me for my work and said she sees it as being sort of a ministry for me, which gave me a better focus for work, and I told her she needed to take care of herself before she breaks, at which point we hugged and she cried.

I was utterly overwhelmed by the honor of hugging this shiny being...and I just had to share her shininess with you...

Be careful what you wish for....

Because you might get it...

I am facing a rough patch in my life and I'm struggling to remain focused on the positive...I am a recovering cynic and I slip back into that black abyss occasionally...

I cannot even talk about it because of the paranoia surrounding this issue in my life. But know that I need all the light and strength I can gather around myself to get through it.

Wow, that sounds dramatic...I don't mean for it to be that dramatic sounding. It's just that this is the second time since moving back to Spokane that I've faced this same issue and last time, I failed...it beat me.

I don't intend to be beaten this time. I intend to hold this person in all the light and love and forgiveness I know in the universe. I intend to triumph with light & good whereas last time I cowered in fear and tension. BUT, this is much easier to say in the quiet of my living room than it is to live out in the frantic pace of life.

So, I come to you, asking for your help, support, light, energy and prayers. And I thank you in advance for any support you are willing/able to give me.

We go onward...through the darkness...

Of cars and dreams and other things...

2 years ago this summer (2009), our son, Sean, went in for his 3rd open heart surgery and my husband's work allowed us to use the car for the 2nd week he was in the hospital. We fell in love with the vehicle, not just because we hadn't owned a car for a year and a half, but because it's sleek, comfortable, a smooth ride and fits us all and groceries!!!

From then till now, we've been allowed to use the car almost every payday to go get groceries. And we've continued to appreciate the luxury of using it and the dream of owning it someday.

Well that dream came true this week...The husband's company decided to sell their cars, and we were allowed to buy the Subaru.

Along with the blessing of owning a vehicle, comes the responsibilities of car ownership...transferring the title, buying tires (because the studded ones are still on it and it's only 6 days till we have to have them off) and worrying about insurance.

I WANT to be elated. I want to relax into believing we can pull this off...but mostly? Mostly I'm worried....