My current stress...

Do any of you have aunts? Older aunts? (like in their 80s?) who tortured you your whole life? Well this is my stress. In a moment of weakness I told my daughter-in-law that we could have her baby shower at my house. 15 strange women i don't know, who work with or who are friends with her AND 2 of my 3 aunts/great-aunts. Now one of them is an old sweetie. Wouldn't hurt me for anything. The other?

The other aunt married my mother's oldest brother and they were ALWAYS well off (as opposed to us, we were dirt poor). They had a fancy house (huge), lots of cars, lots of money, vacations, best schools, rich and conservative

My mother, my uncles youngest and only sister, was a wild child. Always in trouble, always drunk, often violent. The aunt seemed unable to STAND her, and by extension, me. Mom was the black sheep I was the gray.

My cousin, (their oldest daughter) was one of those rigid, up-tight, have to do everything right, neurotic kids. I always dragged her away from that and made her "play". Her mother hated that. We got dirty together (OMG DIRT!!! NOT ALLOWED). We climbed in the hayloft at the other aunts house. We rolled down the hills around their ranch (all my great aunts are wealthy). In short? we were kids. The aunt hated this. The cousin was NEVER to be "mussed". Sigh.

OK, on to the torture: I was born a slob. Seriously. when they gave out house cleaning genes I wasn't even on the same planet. I have been a slob since I was a child. You had to "wade" through my rooms. And later, in an unhappy marriage, I was WORSE if you can imagine. It was how i punished him because he was a Virgo and DEMANDED a clean (spotless) house. And I would not give it to him. GOD, I was horrid.

Anyway, one time my mom dressed herself in white bell bottoms, a wild shirt & a beehive hairdo. HEAVY on the makeup. Then she dressed me that way (I am normally a VERY modest and conservative dresser). And THEN, for some reason, she got gram to dress the same way, even with the beehive, but with less makeup. And THEN she drove us to the aunts house. It was a kodak moment when she opened the door and I think she'd have slammed it in our faces if gram hadn't been with us. Sigh. We were not nice right back to her, now that I think about it.

OK, so, what does this have to do with the baby shower tomorrow? THE VERY AUNT IS COMING. This woman has not been in my house since my older 4 kids were really little (2/4/6/8). AND SHE'S GOING TO BE HERE TOMORROW.

Needless to say I've been an utter basket case. Cleaning everything in and out of site, knowing it will NEVER be enough.

Wow, I think I feel better having spoken it.

Thanks for wading through my past that is haunting my now with me.