Sunday, February 23, 2003


Where does the willingness go? When relationships cause such a vacuum of good that it begins to feel all bad? the dearth of good, kind, loving moments...the abundance of emptiness.

Jewel dies. Jon chooses punishment and suddenly I don't want to do this anymore.

Emptiness eats at my soul. Is there goodness or kindness anywhere anymore? So much emptiness in my marriage. And THIS is better than...WHAT???? Emptiness is emptiness.

My husband would rather be a drugged zombie than deal with life. I am part of that life that he would rather be drugged than deal with.

The life we have (I hesitate to use the word "created") together (did we EVER do anything together besides creating our sons?) is unbearable for him. How am I supposed to live and deal with that? Words literally fail me...

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