Sunday, June 7, 2015

Wow....

October of 2014 was my last post...about bathtubs...LOL

I am now 30 months past the day my life fell apart and I moved out of the house I loved and left the  man I loved more than sense dictated that I should. I wouldn't relive that first year alone for all the money in the world...so much pain, emoting, crying, smashing things, ripping things, trashing things. Thank God for my cat who would crawl up on my chest and lick the tears off my face and put her paw on my face as she butted my chin with her head. 

Year two was not as angst ridden. Lots of moments where I lost it, where I just wanted to scream and run and punch things, but, for the most part, I was finding my own balance, my own inner equilibrium. I was beginning to move through it all...I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far away it looked. 

I am now in year three....Good God where does time go?...and there came a month, I think it was March, when I looked up and realized...the light at the end of the tunnel is here and now. I am no longer shredded by seeing him (we share kids, there is ALWAYS seeing him). I can hear "our song" without falling into a puddle of tears. I can think of our life together and not ache so badly that I want to crawl into a hole. I have a life. It's full and busy and I've even been dating!!!

When I left him, the man I thought of as the love of my life and my soul mate, I did a lot of research into how long it was going to take before I stopped thinking of him and aching for him every single second of every single day and the wisdom said about 1 full month for every year you were together. We were together 23 years...They were pretty close, those wise psychologists whose blogs I read avidly as I fought one of the most emotional battles in my life. 

I am thankful, so utterly thankful, to be here where I am now. To be at a place where I am enjoying my full and rich life full of friends (a special thank you to my BFF, Sheila, who is always there for me) and water aerobics and work and coworkers who ROCK the universe and family who stood by me while I grieved and didn't put me down for it (thank you to my children, Bethany, Amber (yes, even you were pretty gentle with me all things considered), David, Jeremy, Michael and Sean for letting me slog my way through the insanity of grief and pain without letting me fall off the edge of the earth, and a special thank you to my Daughter-in-Law, Tamara, for always asking me how I was, always caring, always letting me fall apart when it got so damn painful), without all of you I would never have made it through year 1. I am so blessed.

Onward into my new life!!!! May you all travel it with me!!!!

1 comment:

Bethany Lehman said...

Welcome back Momma! I love you!