Friday, March 14, 2014

Weirdness...


I have watched my husband, now my ex, through the fledgling beginning of his new relationship...it was a rough ride for me on so many levels. I saw many things on his face, in his eyes...but I didn't realize I was waiting...for something...until I saw it.

The beginning of their new relationship was exhausting for him, I could see this very clearly. And he was battling high blood pressure at the same time. We were sharing the car for much of this time and I could see the struggle every weekend. Some weekends he literally looked ashen and drained. 

Starting at the beginning of the year we ceased to share the car, and I pretty much ceased to see him, making my recovery somewhat easier.

Monday, I drove over to drop my son off. I came around the corner and he was standing halfway in the doorway to the back landing. Half of his face was in shadow as he was looking back into the house, at her, this I knew, because one of my sons was in my car, the other was asleep in the basement. And I saw...happiness. For the first time since they began, I saw the glow of happiness on his face and...I will try to describe what it felt like to me at that moment...

It was as if a fist that had been clenched around my heart let go. Like a weight dropped off my shoulders. Like my spirit lightened in color by several shades...it was pure, unadulterated relief. I felt lighter and purer and, unbelievably, happier in myself. I had the most peaceful few days, emotionally, than I have had for a LONG time...and the peace has continued to carry me through. 

I think I am the weirdest person I have ever known, truly. And this reaction proved it to me, yet again...

3 comments:

Elaine said...

Not weird at all, just the way real love works...

Debra Masters said...

Thanks for getting it, Elaine.

jayiin mistaya said...

That's real love - the kind of love that there aren't real words for. The kind of love stories are written about - just as you're writing your story for us to see here.

You're not weird. Just - a person with a big heart who was just as worried for his happiness as your own.

And really? As far as I know - that's pretty much the way we're supposed to do things.