How?

How did we get to this place?
Where we may never again see each other's face...
And if we were face to face,
instead of miles from each other's place...
would this painful tearing of each other's hearts continue on?
or would we find a way...
over/under/around/through, I always believed there was a way...
as we wandered further and further into the pain.
And now, I look up, and I can barely see you over there
the anger and pain between us is thick in the air
keeping us both from one another.

We cannot go back
We cannot go forward
The pain consumes us
I am frozen in place
devoid of the grace
to know what to do, what to say, what to be
that makes you know what you mean to me.

How do I say, I am sorry about that day
Mistakes were made on that day
Mistakes were made days after
Mistakes that hurt and killed your laughter,
when I know that were I to change NOW,
turn around,
say it different,
mean it different,
change anything about it,
it wouldn't be believed anyway.

So if I say it one way, I lose you...
If I say it the other way, I lose you...
there is no way to say that doesn't cost me you.
A price too high to pay, really.
But then, I am not the one with the choice here.
And you have made your choice.
And I am the one who will pay
For the rest of my days.
Without my beloved daughter
in my life anymore.