Life has a tendency to go on…whether you want it to or not,
whether you are ready or not, whether it hurts or not. And my life has gone on…
I have a rhythm…up at 6:30AM, work at 8:15, off at 5:15ish.
Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I go to water aerobics…Saturdays I take the
soon-to-be-ex the car. The way we are doing the car exchange pretty much
guarantees I don’t get to go anywhere on my days off. This is frustrating to me
but there seems to be nothing I can do to change it, which is a tad
discouraging.
I met a man at work. We went to coffee and he talked for about
an hour and a half…I’m thinking we won’t work as a “dating couple”.
There were a couple of really trivial things I didn’t like
about him (he didn’t brush his hair before coming to coffee, he just put it
back in a ponytail all matted on the side; he unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of
his button-up shirt, showing his chest hair, which I consider icky, and one
thing that really bothered me…He had a great job with the city and because they
asked him to learn to use a computer for his inventory, he chose to retire
early (from a job he stated he LOVED) rather than learn this new technology. To
me that is an indication of a set-in-his-wayness that I don’t think I could
handle. And, he down-talked his boys to a degree that made me uncomfortable.
One of my friends said, “Give him another chance, you might
be wrong and “anything is better than
being alone forever.” I was a tad floored by that comment. To “settle” for
whatever because one might be alone indicates a fear of being alone that I do
not share. I haven’t minded being alone, per se, although there is much about
being in a couple that I miss…So I am not going to date someone simply because
the alternative is my own company.
I am a tad spoiled, having been married to a vibrant man 20
years my junior that shared my love of sci-fi and technology. I know this will
be an issue for some men my own age…Sigh. Not that he had a “young” body, per
se…He was kind of soft and squishy…that isn’t what I desired, it was his
essence, his spark, that which called me into passion. I am not sure I will
ever experience that level of passion again. That is a thought that makes me a
tad sad…but I’m not going to rule it out. It might be out there…Mostly I miss
kissing…I miss it very, very much. But most men will not be content with just a
kissing relationship…they will want more. And it is this “more” that I’m not
sure I am ever going to be able to give again…
