Life...

 

Life has a tendency to go on…whether you want it to or not, whether you are ready or not, whether it hurts or not. And my life has gone on…

I have a rhythm…up at 6:30AM, work at 8:15, off at 5:15ish. Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I go to water aerobics…Saturdays I take the soon-to-be-ex the car. The way we are doing the car exchange pretty much guarantees I don’t get to go anywhere on my days off. This is frustrating to me but there seems to be nothing I can do to change it, which is a tad discouraging. 

I met a man at work. We went to coffee and he talked for about an hour and a half…I’m thinking we won’t work as a “dating couple”. 

There were a couple of really trivial things I didn’t like about him (he didn’t brush his hair before coming to coffee, he just put it back in a ponytail all matted on the side; he unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of his button-up shirt, showing his chest hair, which I consider icky, and one thing that really bothered me…He had a great job with the city and because they asked him to learn to use a computer for his inventory, he chose to retire early (from a job he stated he LOVED) rather than learn this new technology. To me that is an indication of a set-in-his-wayness that I don’t think I could handle. And, he down-talked his boys to a degree that made me uncomfortable.

One of my friends said, “Give him another chance, you might be wrong and “anything is better than being alone forever.” I was a tad floored by that comment. To “settle” for whatever because one might be alone indicates a fear of being alone that I do not share. I haven’t minded being alone, per se, although there is much about being in a couple that I miss…So I am not going to date someone simply because the alternative is my own company.

I am a tad spoiled, having been married to a vibrant man 20 years my junior that shared my love of sci-fi and technology. I know this will be an issue for some men my own age…Sigh. Not that he had a “young” body, per se…He was kind of soft and squishy…that isn’t what I desired, it was his essence, his spark, that which called me into passion. I am not sure I will ever experience that level of passion again. That is a thought that makes me a tad sad…but I’m not going to rule it out. It might be out there…Mostly I miss kissing…I miss it very, very much. But most men will not be content with just a kissing relationship…they will want more. And it is this “more” that I’m not sure I am ever going to be able to give again…

The Sparrow - A book review

I don't read a lot of fiction anymore, I simply don't have time. Twice in the past year, however, my husband, who reads very little, has read about a book that piqued his interest on my behalf. The first was a trilogy: The Thief/The Queen of Attolia/The King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner...an extremely likeable set of books, which almost my whole family has read by now. So when he suggested The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell, I said sure.

The Sparrow is about a fluke discovery of music being broadcast from Alpha Centauri and the effect that has on the young man who first hears it, and on his group of friends, Anne and George, an older married couple, Sophia, a young woman who was hired to decided if Jimmy's (the young man) job could be automated and Emilio Sandoz, a priest. Later, they are joined by DW Yarbrough, another, rougher, priest, Marc and Alan.

This book fascinated me because I'm always thinking of the sacred and the profane...how we have these divine moments, these spiritual highs in the midst of our rather mundane life. This book highlights this contrast in spades. I was also fascinated because music is so intrinsically important to me, and the first contact with this species/planet was music.

In many ways, I feel this book is a must read. Anyone who likes Science Fiction, or just good fiction, or who has ever sought a touch by GOD or who has ever loved/hated GOD...in other words, everyone, would be moved to laughter and tears by this book...

Not that this is an utterly "up" experience. There is a great deal of sadness and despair in this book. There is horror and death and life and love and passion and faith and loss of faith and truth and trust and betrayal...in other words, this is a book that LIVES. It lives in your mind, it grabs onto your heart and you feel you live in the book with these amazing, nuanced people and beings. I hated to see it end...even though it was very difficult to read at the end and I sobbed my guts out at the emotion and revelations. (Oh, I have since then discovered there is a sequel).

I hesitate to say more, because I don't want to contaminate your experience with the book. But I highly recommend this to everyone...I know it's fiction, but it describes one of the longest, darkest nights of the soul that someone has ever survived.