Life...

 

Life has a tendency to go on…whether you want it to or not, whether you are ready or not, whether it hurts or not. And my life has gone on…

I have a rhythm…up at 6:30AM, work at 8:15, off at 5:15ish. Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I go to water aerobics…Saturdays I take the soon-to-be-ex the car. The way we are doing the car exchange pretty much guarantees I don’t get to go anywhere on my days off. This is frustrating to me but there seems to be nothing I can do to change it, which is a tad discouraging. 

I met a man at work. We went to coffee and he talked for about an hour and a half…I’m thinking we won’t work as a “dating couple”. 

There were a couple of really trivial things I didn’t like about him (he didn’t brush his hair before coming to coffee, he just put it back in a ponytail all matted on the side; he unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of his button-up shirt, showing his chest hair, which I consider icky, and one thing that really bothered me…He had a great job with the city and because they asked him to learn to use a computer for his inventory, he chose to retire early (from a job he stated he LOVED) rather than learn this new technology. To me that is an indication of a set-in-his-wayness that I don’t think I could handle. And, he down-talked his boys to a degree that made me uncomfortable.

One of my friends said, “Give him another chance, you might be wrong and “anything is better than being alone forever.” I was a tad floored by that comment. To “settle” for whatever because one might be alone indicates a fear of being alone that I do not share. I haven’t minded being alone, per se, although there is much about being in a couple that I miss…So I am not going to date someone simply because the alternative is my own company.

I am a tad spoiled, having been married to a vibrant man 20 years my junior that shared my love of sci-fi and technology. I know this will be an issue for some men my own age…Sigh. Not that he had a “young” body, per se…He was kind of soft and squishy…that isn’t what I desired, it was his essence, his spark, that which called me into passion. I am not sure I will ever experience that level of passion again. That is a thought that makes me a tad sad…but I’m not going to rule it out. It might be out there…Mostly I miss kissing…I miss it very, very much. But most men will not be content with just a kissing relationship…they will want more. And it is this “more” that I’m not sure I am ever going to be able to give again…